Break and Bending
by SiriuslyMessy
Summary: Q is sick of Bond breaking every piece of tech he gives him. Might make this multi-chaptered, might not. 00q -esque


It was a well known fact that James Bond broke every piece of Q-branch tech he ever touched. It became a running joke throughout the workers of Q-branch. Some even had bets running on the maximum length of time that Bond could keep a piece of tech before losing or damaging it in any way.

Even though his underlings found it amusing, it infuriated the Quartermaster. He spent countless hours on personalized and, quite frankly, brilliant pieces of technology all for him to see it smashed to pieces within hours of presenting it to 007.

_"I swear to god Bond, if you don't return that gun back in full working order I'm sending you into the field armed with nothing but a supersoaker next time." _Q hissed over the comm system.

Bond laughed. _"You wouldn't do that to me Q; I think you'd miss me. Besides, I don't see you dealing out the death threats to the other agents." _Q snorted.

_"That's because the other agents actually bring my equipment back." _Q informed him. _"Take a left here, you should see an exit in about thirty feet." _He added, watching the screens in front of him. Bond did as instructed.

_"Now Q, we both know that's not quite true. I have it on good authority that 006 returned last month with his radio smashed to bits and his gun was beyond help." _Bond said as he made his way quickly out of the warehouse.

Q sighed, shook his head and continued drinking his tea. This was supposed to be a simple mission, a quick, intelligence gathering mission. Somehow Bond had managed to set off every alarm in the place along with three explosives. Q wondered how he managed it. Honestly, if that man ever completed a mission without something exploding he would probably have to take a few days off to recover from the shock.

_"Shit!" _Q snapped his head up and Bonds curse. Hearing the sound of gunfire he tapped a few keys before bringing up the CCTV camera feed from the warehouse. Bond was currently being chased by a group of six men who were all attempting to shoot the agent. Rather poorly to be honest.

_"Bond what in the hell are you doing? There are civilians around. Keep the noise to a minimum please. You're drawing attention to yourself."_

_"Shut up Q. In case it has escaped your notice, I am being _shot at_! And you're complaining about the noise? Priorities man!" _Bond hissed through gritted teeth.

_"Okay, if you turn left at the top of this street you'll come out onto the dock. Do try not to kill anybody. There's a boat waiting on you at the end of the pier."_

_"Thanks Q, I'll get right to that. You know, once I'm not being pursued by angry Ukrainians." _Bond replied sharply.

_"They're actually Romanian, honestly 007. Did you even _read _the brief?" _Q retorted.

_"Q, now is not the time for nitpicking. I don't see myself making it to this boat in one piece. Time for plan B i think." _He sounded breathless now. Q's jaw clenched. He knew how this agents mind worked and didn't like it one bit.

_"Don't you _dare! _Do you hear me Bond? If you value your life you will _not _launch yourself and _all of my equipment _into the Black sea!" _Q exclaimed, much to the amusements of the occupants of Q-branch, who were only privy to their Quartermasters side of the conversation.

_"Q, its _because _I value my life that I'm going to launch myself and, yes, _all of your equipment _into the Black sea." _Bond said, not in the least bit apologetic, before throwing himself into the freezing water.

Q took off his ear piece and microphone. There was no use in still wearing it, seeing as that idiot of a special agent had just _broken _the other end.

"That fucking _idiot_!"Q burst out, running a hand through his hair. "Complete fucking _twat_!"

There was no movement from the underlings, as Q had dubbed them. They all knew that once the Quartermaster started swearing the best course of action was to stay out of the way, unless they wanted their personal tech to start misbehaving.

"What are you all looking at? Surely someone can take over whilst i go explain to M why more of Q-branches budget needs to be put aside for Bond. _Again._" His words were clipped and his back ramrod straight, showing just how frustrated he was with the reckless agent.

After complaining to M about James bloody Bond breaking even more of his technology, Q locked himself in his office and started creatively planning the demise of 007.

* * *

An hour later he was called out to help agent 0003 out of a tight spot involving explosives, three safe houses and, weirdly, an overturned tractor. He helped with good-natured sarcasm and wit. _003_ didn't break his things after all.


End file.
